My Secret Garden.: I never said I was a good girl, not a bad girl either.

baby,

i want apologize to you before i start to tell what i am about to tell and this might be a long tired post.

half hour ago,i logged in your facebook account. it's disrespect isn't it? i'm sorry. you should know what i have done at the earlier hour. i read your messages from your inbox. yea,all the messages that she sent to you and you sent to her. you should know who i'm talk about,right? i felt like an asshole reading them. i was thinking it is right to know or not to know? should i regret for realizing your account password?

''knowing something is not quite a good thing sometimes. i always want to get to know something desperately,but when i already have the chances to know then i refused to know or when i already know about it then i regret for knowing it. ''

while reading all the conversation between you and her,i know well and it's obviously you treated the both differently. yes,she is more independent than i am. she hold her words and never agree of what you're saying when she thinks you're wrong. she always stand at her own's right. i see some hidden story through the conversation. i never get angry of what you have said but i got a little of hurt. i see mine messages and her messages all over the 2nd page. i seems ignored by you. reading the messages that i've sent,i realized that i'm annoying and irritating seriously. we are the different girl. you might feel she is real because she is a straight forwards person. unfortunately,i'm not. i'm a girly girl and i'm shy. sometimes,i do not know how to tell or request something to you or from you. i keep quiet when i don't wish to have any argument but you are strongly disagree girl kept quiet when issues are there. eventually, i just cry and tell you everything with a shaking voice. at this moment,i wish i could have a best and close friend who can give me comment and opinion on how i felt right now. but i'm just not in such luck and i couldn't even find any of them to share because through the experience i learnt a lot of lesson. most of friends are not trustworthy. but at least i found my way to share it over here.

this afternoon Amy told me one of my friend told her that she felt uncomfortable and kinda mad while she saw what you post or comment something on my wall. for example,recently you comment on one of my post on facebook ''cuz busy chit chat wif guys'' and another one ''oh. u met what guy '' then,Amy came and tell me this and also agree of what another have said. baby,do you know how i felt and react at the moment? i know they are not qualify to comment our relationship or how the way we communicate. i can tell you honestly,i don't know how to express my feeling on problem. totally. it's difficult for me. seems everybody thinks you're fierce or hot temper since the day we quarreled and then later you quarreled with Amy on facebook. but i can say that they doesn't hate you and so do i. but,can you treat me a little better as people other people can see or feel? change a little bit cause of me can? i want to hear and see nice thing that i probably would feel happy for because i love you.

baby,can i know what am i to you? how do you think of me as one of your girl now? i'm so curious.

a lot of people may think i already have a stable relationship for 4/5years. it's unsure record. can you imagine i'm not sure how long we are doing together? it's totally failure. we also never know when is our anniversary,i mean the new one. the day one that we get back together. but hey,i disagree for saying ''we'' never know because i do know. baby,you should know it too. i did sent a message to you facebook and mentioned it before. but,it's okay that we stay this way for tend not to know. so we will never be counting how long it have been. just let it be.

♥