started

what's happening????
i couldn't find any reason why am i emotional right now.

i should get my ass off this place and study.
but then i can't even study while my mind ain't functioning well.
i don't want to screw that paper again.
i still remember that why i would failed this paper.
there was something happen and i was with my strong emotion in last september.
that's why i screwed this god damn paper.

now,while i started to read the book and study.
the last september stuff came into my mind and interrupted me.
i saw those dried tears' mark on the pages.
i remember how inappropriate i cried.
i cried like i never cried before.
i sound really stupid about this.
those sourish tears that i've spent was too much.
wondering, do my eyes still containing tears?
is there enough for my following days in my life?

guess,it's all still enough.

so,whatever had happen at the last september i will just take it as an experience.
then this septemeber,no matter what will happen i'll just face it and fuck the destroyer.
i want it to be something happening.
i wanna laugh and enjoy it. just to be as happy as i can.
cause,i have enough with all the past september that how i screwed it all.

' life is like a roller coaster, then it drop ' - definition of life

i'm 19 right now. i gotta go for something meaningful.
no more wasting time for nonsense.
no more sitting at home for waiting.
no more spending hour in arguing.
no more creating unnecessary stuff.
i will try my best to make my life that i mean to live with.

right, then 5/6 years later.

i need a right man in the 'job'.
that i can simply married him with no worries.
i'll be his perfectly wife and i'll give him my shoulder all the time.
then we'll build our family with our kids.

look. isn't happy? but,i can't do this alone because one hand couldn't make the clapping sound.
and it need to depends on the God. =)