wanted !

stupid boyfriend.
he bought a new G Shock watch last month and it's already tempting me to get one of them.

hmmmm.

i hope i could get one of them.
wondering when i could have it.

which one nice?

i like the first one and the third one more.
it's simple ad nice.

The Last Words by Susan

here,i want to share this love story that i found at facebook.

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.

I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.

She said, "I miss you."

I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."

She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.

I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."

Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.

Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"

Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.

But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.

She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.

She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."

I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"

I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"

I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide.

But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.

I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."

She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her.

I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.

Jordin Sparks - Art Of Love

here,let me share another new love song.
by Jordan Sparks.

ART OF LOVE
(to listen please click the name of the song)

I’m saying sorry in advance cos this won’t always go to plan
Though we don’t mean to take our love for granted
It's in our nature to forget what matters
How when the going is getting tough
And we’re all about giving up
Things that we never thought we’d gonna say, gonna say them
Things that we never thought we’d play, gonna play them
It ain’t perfect, but it’s worth it
And it’s always getting better
It’s gonna take some time to get it right

Cause I’m still learning the art of love
I’m still trying to not mess up
So whenever I stumble let me know
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out for me
Cause I’m still trying to learn the art of love

If I forget to get the door
Remind you that you’re beautiful
I know my detail requires more attention
If I ever hurt you it’s not my intention
Cause we’re gonna make our mistakes
Find out how much your heart can take
But I know that you got my back
And baby I got yours

Cause I’m still learning the art of love
I’m still trying to not mess up
So whenever I stumble let me know
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out for me
Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love

Sometimes I’m gonna miss
I’m still learning how to give
I’m not giving up
I’m still learning how to love
Learning how to love…
Learning how to love

Cause I’m still learning the art of love
I’m still trying to not mess up
So whenever I stumble let me know
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out for me
Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love
(The art of love)

sharing pictures

still me who love to take lots of pictures and edit them.

just here to share new pictures.
love.

remember me?

do you remember me?

these pictures were snapped 2/3 years ago.

'' when i was youger,i loved you with all my heart.

when i was slightly older,everything was screwed.

when i've changed,we started to miss the past.

Sweetie,i'm honest here to tell you that ever since we started to build and i am willing to build all over agian. ''

i was a sweet girl,can't believe that im not anymore

There.
it is what i'm saying and expecting in the previous post i've said. this is the first day i'm staying here at my grandma's house at town. i was just came back no longer from my college and so do him. hour later,we started to argued. i'm sick with it. and,there i cried softly.

it's not hard for me do make surprises for you.
it's not hard for me to send you text messages frequently.
it's not hard for me to do all that simple things at all.

here is my bullshit for you.
it is what you call it bullshit.
your girlfriend's explanation is all bullshit.

my dear,
i was a sweet girl before to you last time.
i remember,i walked along under a hot sun to your house in the afternoon just to surprise you.
i remember,i bought you stuff that you never expect.
i remember,i'll always remember when is our anniversary and i'll always surprise you with a sweet text message and gift.
i remember,i'll always write ya a letter when thing was going wrong.
i do also remember,i'll always sent you a lovely message after i'm awake and before i'm asleep.


i used to sit down and think what to present you for our anniversary, your birthday, Valentines' day and Christmas day. i always created special gifts for you during those special day because i'm so sure how much i love you at that time. i can't even concentrate anything when we behaved cold after an argument then i'll just write you a letter to express me feelings and ask for forgiveness. i think i behaved real sweet to you seriously. i always give you all the best thing. i ignored everything i heard from my friends and just to love you to the 100%. after the separation,we got back together. i've changed. i don't do all those thing for you that i just mention just now. i forced myself to changed and to be like another person. that's why,i requested you not to call me Lou Por anymore.

now, you're saying you never see me send message to you often and no more surprise.
you said let's us behave like strangers and don't say we have distance then we turn cool. you just wrap things up and i torn it apart. And then you said don't be with you anymore if i wanted behaved this way.
do you know what you've said it's really hurtful?

i want to have a sweet relationship like the others. i want it real badly like you can't imagine how i want it at all. i got envy when i heard and saw how sweet are those couple. i saw you working on it when we were together. but,sometimes i ignored it. i ignored it because i'm scared and i don't want to have disappointment. i dislike the feelings that i love you like hell and you could just leave me easily and erased all our pictures just like that. i really don't wish this could happen in this way again. i remember how bad i felt,i lived real suffer without you. i cried for months.
it is a trauma for me.
now,i'm just trying to love myself more. i forced myself to behave differently and i always apologize to you no matter i'm wrong or your wrong because i just wish everything could be settle down.

i hardly believe that now i felt like i'm not forcing myself anymore and i'm doing just like that. i'm really surprised that you said that you do not think we will separate anymore. i do not know this is true or not and i don't know how much you love me right now. i just wish that everything will be just fine. i'm tired for seeing us keep pushing blame and have argument.


i love you.

gotta back to my college life

was having a great day.
smile*
love my bear bear,my hou zai.






















the red red red me.




hmmm.
the third sem is gotta begin soon.
i have to go back to my grandma's house which is far away from his house.
i'm pretty sure that bad thing or more argument will happen after this.
this is my prediction.
once we less meet up,something gonna be wrong to be happened.

whatever,i just hope that nothing could distract me with my studies.
all the best to me.
please.


i'm kinda happy with this Chinese New Year and the Valentines' day.
thank you.

personally like this picture. blur blur*

Valentine's gift

Awwwwww

look! what is this?
this is what i saw at Queensabay mall.
a pair of nice ear ring from GUESS.
i like it a lot, not that a lot seriously.
but i just love it.

THIS IS WHAT HE GOT FOR ME.




















he bought it for me for the Valentines' day present.
it was a surprise for me.

love it!!

i made a Valentines' Day card for him.
cut, pasted and wrote.
i felt that is the worth card i ever did. not nice enough.
sigh.
i wrote some love note inside the card for him. wink*



THIS IS WHAT I GOT FOR HIM.

bought him a blue boxer from 3Dots.

happy Valentines' day,baby.
i love you.

wrong man for the job by JOJO

I Thought that you were the best part of me,
Baby I guess that we just believe what,
We wanna believe
I Thought I knew you so well , I couldn't tell
That this was sinking so deep,
I see it now,
I'm breathing now,
Its time for me...
For me..

To let it go

It was cool when it started but now the flame has gone
You´re The Wrong man for The Job,
My heart is breaking in pieces, but still I'm moving on,
You´re the wrong man for the job,
I cant believe it took me so long to realize,
Finally know what it feels like(You´re The wrong man For the Job)
I'm starting over but,I wont be afraid
I'm sorry to say,
You´re the Wrong man for the job

Oh..oh
Sometimes I wish I could take back everything,
It be easier to never have known you,
I would spare myself so much pain,
Still I can't stop thinking ´bout,
What I'mma do without,
You on the lonely nights,
But now I know,what I gotta do,
I cant ever change you,
Letting it go tonight..


Im Looking for somebody to love me, the way I should be loved ,
I need someone to do more for me, than you have ever done,
I love you but you're not the one...


to listen just click the link at bottom.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Imq_mAiViY

uncomfortable

cool.

i know that you realized i read your blog and her blog. and i know you want me to say something. but,i think i won't say anything. it's obvious,it's an argument. you and her. i don't felt comfortable seriously. somethings is telling me and i'm feeling something too. i kept quiet and i never wanted to mention or ask any since i found out. i pretended cause i don't even want to give a damn bout it. i ignored everything and you choose to tell me about it too.

so,
who care about who was wrong or right in the past?
nobody is wrong but just that the ''time'' was wrong. you both just met each other in a wrong time,alright? what to do if it had already happened in your life. take it as an experience and learn something. take the fact. go for what your heart felt.
if you're peace lover then better you choose for don't give a damn.
if you want to have your right then come out and face it.
if everything were fake and you miss her then go back with her.
i'm sorry i can't rewind anything. but,i wish i could.

after reading for more than twice i would like to say something. honestly,you both behaved in a very immature way. (i'm sorry). every single thing can be settle in a right way. i know it's difficult for you guys to let go a relationship that last for half year. i know what had happen at the earlier months was bad. i don't even know what could makes you guys quarrel.

jealousy,perhaps?

you jealous she has a boyfriend
you jealous he has a girlfriend
?

imma not trying to guess anything. it's pretty cool that who i am right now. i don't even want to fight or talk about issues. i'm talking here. but i don't expect any single things. cause i know nothing's gonna change the fact. it's true that i'm still crying. no point. listen to those songs while i first realized something was going wrong.
''cold as you''
i post the lyric publicly at facebook. very fast,you posted this
''i'm looking at front door''
i briefly had a flashback and i could just cry simply.

you said that you hardly find a real friend to talk about your problems. so,do you think your girlfriend have any to talk and share with her friend? what i do is talking over here. i do not want to share my blog. cause i don't want to receive any opinion or console.

i have no solution in this.
but i'm happy that i could get slightly over bout it. at least i realized i've changed.
and the world have changed too. i don't treat my beau like how i treat last time.
i would send him my love message to him often. i would say something sweet to him every night before he sleep. i would also die to meet him. but now,seriously,not anymore.

if now we are still apart i guess i can't even can be your friend.
but,i wish i can be cause you took care of me for so long before.

keep it

we couldn't make each other family to love us.
i don't even see and felt i am close to your family and so do you.
although,we been together for 4 years before but still we both didn't work out to let each other family to love us.
one of your sister doesn't like me since we were together.
i have no idea.
but then,nothing is telling me how my family feel you.
why others can work out so well but not us?
you don't even dare to speak to my grandma for a normal request.

i felt bad when i saw my cousin's partner were so close with us.
cheryl's boyfriend is very nice with our family.
although,he felt hard to communicate with my grandma but then he still work on it.
it's funny. my mom loves him too.
my brother and sisters are kinda close with him.
he's not a funny person and it's just a normal guy.
cheryl is pretty close with his family too.
they always hang out together,and it's really nice.
one thing i'm impressed is that they both not even together for a year.
and they success to work it out this way.

another one,
jayson and his ex-girlfriend.
my sister loves her a lot.
i can't believe that they could even brought my sister out with them.
just three person. one couple and a kid.
now,jayson current girlfriend is pretty cool too.
she use to come over my grandma house just like this simple.

one more,
nicole and her boyfriend are so cute.
her boyfriend use to hang out with nicole's family,very oftenly.
i saw their pictures. very nice.
(alright,i know less about them. i'm just telling what i saw.)

sigh.
but,
i think not to be close with each others family is better than close with them.
in case we separate,nobody will care a lot about it.
family maybe will not even give a damn.
we won't felt any difficult to face it or to answer their question.
so,i guess we should keep it this way.
right?

=)

cool. (first article about non-love)

actually, i typed half page with another topic already but then i cleared it all again.
i want start this with something different but not the one i've typed just now.
the thing the i typed just now was a little like nothing to express cause i know that's useless.
it was little hard to talk about it,so i cleared it all easily.

i saw people always mention about the past and the future more then what's happening recently.
why we people have to live with past and future?
why can't we can't choose a perfect time to live with?
for example,the choice to live with ...

A.baby(age 1/2) B.kid(age 4-6) C.teenager(13-16) D.adult(19-23)

if we can,i would like to choose my childhood life.
majority people will choose to live in childhood life (kid) for sure.
being a child is so nice.
we can do whatever we like.
we don't have to love other cause they will love us.
we don't have to take care ourselve cause our family will take good care of us.
we don't have to solve our problem cause we don't have any problem with your life.
we don't have to suffer with any cause we will forget everything in the next day.
we don't have to write any love letter for our lover cause we don't even know how to start.
sigh.
how nice if i really could go back in this kind of life.
i remember,when i was little i was like a princess.
i have beautiful dresses, have my unlimited time to sleep, have my barbie to spent with,
i have so many admirer.
they loved me. take a look, it's loved not love.

seriously,being teenager was kinda fun too but we grew too fast.
now i'm 18 above.
we quarrel and argue with people and especially with our family and the one we love the most.
we fight this and that to get what we want.
we keep ourselves with our secret and we tear alone in a dark room.
we hardly tell others how we felt that's why we have our blogspot to express with.
we earn our money with full of tiredness but we couldn't get enough with money.
we struggled just wanted to live better but nothing could help.
sigh.


i'm tried.

my point of this view

recently/nowadays, people are having their discussion about their view against girl/boy.
this is a fatal topic, i guess.
cause nobody can truly find or get a true love in this kind of century.
it's hard and difficult,but there's still possible for others to get their prefect match.

from my own view,this is what i really saw or heard out there.
guys keep on thinking that girls always search for wealthy guy.
(even my boyfriend thinks that i am this kind of girl too,that's hurt)
it is true that they are,but girls search for true love more than that.
all i see,RICH guy are equal to playboy. (called asshole)
who play around with girls.
they treat girl like a doll.
they have the something call 6f' job.
1.find her
2.friend her
3.flirt her
4.french her
5.fuck her
6.find another (the end of a job)
then their another job begin again and again.
this is sucks!

so,i don't want a rich guy to be my man.
if he thinks that i need a rich man to be with then he must be wrong.
once man have their money spinning around,for sure and for real they will flirt around.
they needs girls to be with.
so,when they are somebody's husband or father still they'll flirt around or have more than one wife.

seriously,i saw girls get heart broken and get hurt more than those guys do.
why? (no answer)
so,i think girls spend guys money are necessary sometimes because girls spend their tears more for guys.
hey,you may think this is bullshit but for real i hate guy who are rich.
who keep spending money around like it is a need.
who wants to have big car cause they think it's easy to get girls' attention.

when we are rich,we have more problem.

i miss him.
who could walk with me around at the neighbourhood.
who brought me to took public buses to hang over outside.
who brought me to have a simple meal.
i felt more happy. more comfortable.
like imma marry him.
i'll create a family with him even if it's hard.
i'll help him and support him no matter what happpen thought we are not rich enough.
but,i don't have such kind of thinking or feeling anymore.

i wanna be a wife who have own job or business to support myelf in case i failed in my marriage.
imma work real hard for my future.
i know,i can't rely on my husband in future.
if there's a day i was cheated by my husband,i think i'll just let it go and be a strong women.
(laugh out loud)
i am sure i'll think over and over again clearly before i say 'yes,i'll marry you' to a man.
cause,i do really love to have a happy family til the end of my live.
sounds little silly and impossible.
due to my prediction,i don't think i'll live happily ever after.

girls! we gotta be smart!