it seems like yesterday si just a dream,but those days are gone they are just memories.

must listen !!

(here we go Eminem)
allright lets pretend Marshall Mathers never picked up a pen
lets pretend things would have been no different
pretend he procrastinated had no motivation
pretend he just made excuses that were so paper thin they could blow away with the wind
marshall you’re never gonna make it makes no sense to play the game there ain’t no way that you’ll win
pretend he just stayed outside all day and played with his friends
pretend he even had a friend to say was his friend
and it wasn’t time to move and schools were changing again
he wasn’t socially awkward and just strange as a kid
he had a father and his mother wasn’t crazy as sh-t
and he never dreamed he could rip stadiums and just lazy as sh-t
f-ck a talent show in a gymnasium bitch you won’t amount to sh-t quit daydreaming kid
you need to get your cranium checked you thinking like an alien it just ain’t realistic
now pretend they ain’t just make him angry with this sh-t and there was no one he could even aim when he’s pissed it
and his alarm went off to wake him off but he didn’t make it to the rap Olympics slept through his plane and he missed it
he’s gon’ have a hard time explaining to Hailey and Laney these food stamps and this WIC sh-t
cuz he never risked shit he hopes and he wished it but it didn’t fall in his lap so he ain’t even here
he pretends that…


♥ ♥Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars ♥ ♥

I could really use a wish right now

I could use a dream or a genie or a wish.

To go back to a place much simpler than this.

Somebody take me back to the days.

me,today

me & shze chen,today

founded this song named Airplanes by B.OB. it's a really nice and meaningful songs. i keep play back the same song.

by the way,it's 1.49am in the middle of night or maybe a very morning right now and i'm hanging myself here to blog. there's so many no-answer questions i have in my mind now that drag me here to spend my time. i was wondering why we couldn't go back to a much simpler place or go back to the much simpler life? i apologize that i like to compare something to another,seriously who doesn't likes to compare. even your mom likes to compare too. right? so,why good things never happen on our life but the others while the others do not think those are the good to them. we always never get enough on something. once we have the good, we ask for the better, then beg for the best.

sigh. now,my stomach keep making noise. gotta sleep already. good night.

random morning feelings

it's really crazy when people or friends are trying to question me about me past or something sensitive. should i just hide away and ignore or should i share my true feelings? sometimes,i wish to share more than hiding cause i really don't know what else i can do when i'm alone here and sharing on my blog.

when i see people wishing their lovers when a greeting of 'Happy Anniversary,my love' then i ask myself so when is my anniversary with him. so,when is it? i don't know. i don't think he knows too.

i love you now, still the same as when we were together.

TRUE

You can love two people at the same time but NEVER at the same degree.

There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others and those we hide from ourselves.

In love, be like a soldier, knows when to fight and when to surrender.

The one who deserves you is the one who will forgive your mistake after a mistake.

love is a cycle, when you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate. When you hate, you try to forget.......(cont..).

loving the right way is when you can appreciate the commitment, respect for the couple, and keep your love.

p/s: baby,although I was able to control my emotions, I always feel insecure because of love and because of you

take me as i am

coming below article would be filthy and not nice to be present.please,forgive my rudeness.

what you mean ''Guys might think you're a hot sexy babeh , you're a hot chick , but for me , you're just a slut Not jealous. Wannabe ? You are not qualified yet =D S.L.U.T'' ? WOW! you're so bitchy aren't you? oh,you think i'm not qualified? so,you are qualified? come on girl! who should be the so called SLUT? you or me? you should think about it. do you ever realized that you're just not suitable to call me slut? and obviously,not even qualify! if you wish to call me slut or bitch with interpersonal communication then just do it. i'll wait for you,pussy. don't stab or gossip behind me,if you're dare enough you can try to talk with me with all what and how you think. i'm in so confident and hope this could be happens because no matter what,i'm just right. and you're totally wrong in such situation. all the while, you're with your thickest skin on your bloody face. hey,go learn to be more classy. you're just cheap enough!

last word for you,GET A FUCKING LIFE! fuck you.

everyone

Everyone deserves to laugh. Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves to be loved.

Take me as I am!

♥

♥♥♥

wednesday

SWEET POPCORN!

baskin ice cream- i want caramel

ice lemon tea (WOW!)

how do they look? they look totally chewable and drinkable isn't it? how much i wish i could have them now,i mean right now now. sigh! what a wednesday i'm having here. no movie. no outing. it's bored,i really wish to get out but nothing i can do to get out by myself. so stupid. fuck my life!

where is my boyfriend? why is he so busy? sigh! i wish he could be here right now. like talking with me. playing with me. singing with me. i just miss him so bad!

cam whore

♥

♥

♥
♥
♥
♥
♥
♥
♥
♥
♥
♥

ooh yea.
i don't have class to attend today.
staying at home and cam whore.
i hope to get out of here and some where else to chill.

baby,i miss ya so much here!

first day on my 2nd year semester 1

i got back home for hours after attended my 2nd year for my diploma this afternoon. i found myself not getting any happier than before,i didn't talk much like last time. i also found the environment is irritating and annoying. it's not as comfortable as last time anymore. i found everything is pretty boring and was wishing to get myself home as soon as possible. when i heard my public speaking lecturer said about all those preparation and deeply i already felt like OMG and stressful. how am i going to continue all this when i found so many trouble in my college? what am i suppose to do? i am not suppose to get any emotional stress because my body couldn't accept it. i'm too weak. i wish someone could talk with me about it,but nobody can. people may think i'm weird or too emotional on everything. but hey,i did not want it to happen this way too. i wish i can be even more happy or positive so that i could be more social or interesting.

Shower me with your love

Shower me with your love-you tube

My heart is filled with so much love and I need
Someone I can call my own
To fall in love, that's what everyone's dreaming of
I hold these feelings oh so strong
Life is too short
To live alone
Without someon
To call my own
I will care for you
You will care for me
Our love will live forever...

Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love that I long for
Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love I've been waiting for

I close my eyes and pray all my wishes come true
Every nite I go to sleep
Until you're mine, I'll wait for you endlessly
Can't you see
Fairy tales, they do
Sometimes come true
If you believe, it
Could happen to you
Like the stars that shine
Way up in the sky
Our love will live forever...

bitchy quote

Someday
you'll
go
far,
and
I
hope
you
stay
there.

disappointment

i got my result already. sigh* i don't get any A for any of my subject. so,i think i won't get rewarded by my boyfriend anymore. but then,is okay. i won't really bother about the reward but my result. i have to resit one of the subject that i got D for it. electronic publishing,as i predicted already. it's stupid doing those resiting paper and gotta pay for extra rm80/100. my boyfriend also asked me,why i would have to take a resit paper in every sem?
no point. i'm not as good as him,i guess. i'm seriously down with it. down with everything. i'm so broke,i can't but myself anything i like so that i would be a little happier. i'm so weak,having those crazy sickness and uncomfortable feelings all the while,especially the fatal headache. i'm so lazy,i lazy with every thing and all i do is just rotting at the weekdays and never did something memorable or worth. i did so hard but i think it isn't hard enough for my examination on last sem,and now i finally knew my result. bad result. FML seriously.

sigh sigh sigh

i need to get reloaded!

help me

i don't even know what is wrong with me? i've a weird feelings and also worrying about something,like never get relax due to nothing is happening seriously. i can feel the coldness with sweat on my hand and head at this kind of hot wheather. my heart beats increase and feeling dizzy. i just don't know why ...

am i psycho?
am i sick?
what is it?
fuck!

now i feel like crying.
i need someone who can hug me and care for me.
cause i'm in real danger in this kind of life.

please,help!

old friend pop out

black.white.

i think my blog is not anymore reading by someone,especially my boyfriend.it isn't any big deal and i never want to ask cause i don't want to make this as a must.
who cares,right?

today,at 12.48 pm i received a message from one of my friend who was my primary and secondary classmate. yin leng. i was stunned when i saw her name pop out from my handphone.the content of the message is nothing,i asked how is she living at the different place with us.then we chatted from only few messages then i stopped with saying i gotta go.

she is a friend that i thought is the mild type. after the crazy incident happened i stop trusting her with full of my heart and never want to talk anything about myself or whatever. she tired to explained but i told her that i never want her to explain because i wouldn't fully trust her since she have a new girl friend that she met in their national service who ruin my life before,about my boyfriend (the old one but same person). i was wondering,there's nothing i can search about the truth anymore and never will. i never want to talk about it anymore.

i'm fine now with my everything. i wouldn't treat my friend and my boyfriend the same way like how i would treat them last time. so,i can say that it's not naturally anymore too.

i just wanna make myself worth.

all i ever wanted

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted was an in between to escape this desperate scene where every law reveals the truth!

ALL I EVER WANTED-KELLY CLARKSON
loving this song currently.

i really don't understand with those retarded people who never get to understand that whose the one made mistakes and would never give up with what they have done to others harmfully.
what is wrong with their goddamn mind?
still wanna blame and curse the others with filthy words.

i just don't know how to say.
i have this emotion and hope to fight my right back.
unfortunately,it wouldn't happen because i don't do such this.

this is why my boyfriend said i'm a dumb ass.

changed

alright,now is time to change my blog into all bout myself.
it's everything about my life, my opinion, my view on something i face.
no more only bout him and my love life.

i realized there's more stuff and problem for me to talk about here.
first,this have been driving me insane and down.
it's disgrace and totally embarrassing.
my Virginia is discharge.
i hate myself for didn't even take good care about my own health.
i regret when i found the causes of it.
it's a normal for every women but i felt disgusting of it.
right now,i gotta find my own solution and got to get recovery as soon as possible.

p/s: i'm so sorry about it baby.

MARRIAGE

THIS IS A STORY THAT I WAS TOUCHED.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.



Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.



She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why?



I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the
chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't
talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what
had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory
answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just
pitied her!



With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.



She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I
had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of
me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a
kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.



The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.



When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.



In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.



This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.



She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going
crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.



I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully..



My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we
both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy
in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to
the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in
my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about
the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the
office.



On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.



On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.




On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry
her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.



She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.



Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.



Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.



But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I
held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy.



I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not
want the divorce anymore.



She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have
a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on
our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.



Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.



At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my
wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.



That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I
run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.



The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot
give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend
and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a
real happy marriage!