i cried cause i though i was different.

this is 7 Jan 10.
actually last night was a normal night, can say it's a good night too.
i cooked spaghetti for him and my family.
he came over my place and have them.
everything was fine but in my heart there a lot of thing that i dislike and don't understand.
i saw him introducing himself to a girl at facebook,it was normal but then i don't really like it.
he seems didn't place me in his heart.
no matter what do,i'tell him cause i do place him in my heart and respect him.
i promised and told before that i will do whatever he ask for but what i really want and he doesn't know.
he behave very sweet to me, saying how much he love my smell, love my hand, love my face and all.
from this,it's nice and sweet but i don't even know is he serious for everything.
i wan't this relationship to be very serious,i don't even know whether he realized this or not.

while i read over all those text from her,i felt really nothing cause i understand about how the girl felt.
after this,i turned to read those messaged that he text her.
my heart were broken and i felt really sad.
all those messages was kinda familiar with all he text me before.
i cried after he leave my house.
i thought he will call me after this because he should knew i'm down with this but he didn't.
i was waiting and crying until i fall asleep.

i am me. i'm not her.
i don't want to be treated the same way.
i don't want him to treat me as the same with others he treated before.
althought before her,i was already treated this way but seriously i don't like it.
he able to treat us all the same but i can't take the same.
if that girl knew that he do also talk this way to me,she surely dislike it too.
this is what we are when i are truly loving someone.

i do really wanna shout to him that: PLEASE DON'T BITE ME!!
cause he bites all the girl he with.
i wanted to be treated differently.

now there's something i am suspecting.
both of them must be slept before.
i don't know is it true or it is not.
all i know is that i suspect and i felt they had already do so.
i trust my prediction.
because through all the experiences i had before,my prediction was right.
i will not ask him,i will just keep this for myself and let it be.

he always think that why are we girls always get emo and always wanna find out about his past.
he hate it,i know but he didn't try to think and understand from our girl's side.
my mom came to talk with me about me and him.
i got no idea how to let go,cause we just started.
my mom knew what had happen,i didn't told her any.
i just got no idea how she knew.

mommy,i really hope i can share this with you but i can't make it.
the story between me and him is too complicated.
wasn't only his wrong and wasn't only my wrong.
we both were wrong.
we both made mistakes.
i don't think i understand him and know him well although we are together for more than 4 years.
he dislike to let people about his privacy.
thats why,sometime he don't like to tell.
i know you want me to be happy.
but mommy,i love him.
i fell in love with him since the day he first present me flowers.
he is like a drug to me.
once he step away,i felt suffering.
i can't survive well.
i am happier when i have him around with me.
this is the truth . . .